Thursday, May 31, 2007

It Ain't Braggin'!

*Sorry about the feed going nutso. I'm moving some posts around and adding disclosure buttons to others so please just ignore any "new" posts except this one until tomorrow. Thanks*

It's called "sharing". You know how excited I was about having 1300 visitors in April? Well May was an even better month! As of 5:19pm MST this evening someone from Eugene, Oregon was the TWO THOUSANDTH visitor this month!!! I know to some of the more popular bloggers that isn't alot but it's more than I ever thought I would have coming here and I'm very proud of that number. :) Visitor 2,000 came here by way of The Mom Blogs so thank you to TMB for the traffic.

I read a post this morning by someone (I forgot to save the link so I can't point you to it) who said they won't visit or read a blog if someone has done paid posts. I can understand their feelings and totally agree that the blogs that have nothing but paid posts are somewhat irritating but speaking for myself I can say that it's not like I'm doing these paid posts for fun. For me, health issues make it hard for me to work a 9 to 5 job so paid posts give me a chance to help my husband out even just a little. So I for one will still visit blogs that do paid posts. I've also been trying to make sure I click a few of the sidebar ads as well.

**Final tally for visitors in May is- 2045! Thank you to everyone who has visited and visits regularly. You make this alot of fun!**

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

4 Things I Would Like To Know…

and preferably before I die would be nice.

1- Who the hell taught Miss Fergie Ferg, Duchess, Kids Inc Little Stacy, whoever to talk? What in the hell is "flousey"? My kids tell me that she’s saying "FLOSSY". Can’t she just say "flossy"? Why am I always the last one to learn about new hoochie speak? And why does she have to spell everything out? I’m grateful to her for teaching my daughter to spell "glamorous" but was "fergalicious" really necessary? HOW is Sis going to work "fergalicious" into a college essay? Hmmm?

2- How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a TootsiePop? Seriously! Remember that owl and dumb kid commercial they came out with way back when? The stupid thing would get stuck in your head for weeks but since "Mr. Owl" totally cheated you still never knew! I tried finding out on my own but I'll be damned if I didn't bite into it the minute I caught a taste of the tootsie roll. If you know, share the knowledge. Also, did anyone ever really get a free sucker because there was an indian shooting an arrow at a star on their wrapper? I sure didn't!

3. What in the hell would possess someone in Mexico to google "dwayne johnson man boobs" (LWH is on page 3 *wink*)? I kid you not, some moron really looked that up and landed on this blog! I have a huge crush on the guy and not even I would google something like that. You have a problem. Seriously. SEEK HELP.

4. And last but not least- why can my 4 year old say he wants to be Ben 10 when he grows up and it's cute but I say I want to be Angelina Jolie and it's creepy? It's okay for little kids to want to grow up to be a cartoon character that turns into ten different aliens but it's not okay for a 32 year old to dream of having cool tattoos, a small ass, perky boobs, and getting to tag Brad Pitt every night. That's not fair! I can't help it if it took me this long to figure out what I really wanted to be. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer, ya know? At least I don't go around looking up man boobs on the internet!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Absolute GENIUS!!!

I was going to post about what a big suckfest the neighborhood yard sale was today but mehhh it's not that interesting. Just one community with lots of people trying to pawn their worthless shit off on some other moron who will later pawn it off on another and thus the cycle continues. I spent a total of $2 on four books and a little stuffed Pikachu (which I covered in Lysol as soon as I got it home. Anal much? Why yes I am!) for MonkeyBoy.

The yard sales sucking meant I had some free time this morning to actually blog surf. I found some kickass posts and sites that I wanted to share so here goes...

Karrie at One Weird Mother is Bringing Messy Back. This is fanfuckingtastic to say the least!

Tired of going shopping or running errands and having to deal with assholes who can't park? Well now you can do something about it! Thanks to Karrie I found You Park Like An Asshole. You can bet I printed up a few notices not only for myself but Hubby Guy as well. I'm going grocery shopping in a few and have no doubt I'll be slappin' these puppies on some shitty parkers' windshields!

It's a tampon, it's a vibrator, no it's PINK STINGER!!! These are my new must have gift. I even emailed the link to Hubby Guy. I want this and I don't care if I never get attacked either. There are sooooooo many people I could use this on! 50,000 VOLTS GIRLS!!! The damage I could do to a certain deadbeat dad. *snicker* I'm not big on pink but for Pink Stinger I will make the exception!

Come to find out, Sweatpants Mom's mini-van does the same kinds of things MY mini-van does! I know! Weird! She trumps me though because so far the worst of mine has been the side of the garage jumping out and denting my front fender. That bastard even left some of it's white paint on the van to taunt me.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Please Keep Her In Your Thoughts

*Update- She's gone. Patsy passed away around 9:30 eastern time this evening, Sunday. Her breathing slowed and she was gone within a few minutes. She was wrapped in love, to be sure.

A very special mama from a few of the parenting boards I use to frequent might be losing her fight with lung cancer tonight- Patsy.

She has always been a bright light on the mama boards and despite being dealt such a crappy hand (the cancer) she has been such an upbeat person through her struggles.

Patsy has seven children and they just really need their mama for awhile longer so please pray, keep her in your thoughts, light a candle, or whatever it is you may do in times of need for her. I'm not very good at this since as an atheist I don't pray but I'm not beneath asking those who do pray to for one of their own. She is deeply in my thoughts though and my heart breaks with each tear I shed and believe me, this woman is so special that if you even knew of her you would be crying as well.

I hate to sully this post about her with cursing but I just have to say...... Fucking cancer! I'm so damn sick of it taking people and ruining lives!! So much is so wrong about cancer. It's such a hateful disease and doesn't seem to care who it takes. A child shouldn't have to grow up not knowing their mama. Especially if Patsy is their mama. It just fucking sucks dammit!

Patsy- thank you for everything that you are. To say I admire your strength would be an understatement. You are amazing and I hope to someday have even half of the grace and class that you have. the strength you gave me through watching you. You are the epitomy of strength and you will always be one of my heroes. I am proud to know (even if not in the flesh) someone as wonderful as you. Thank you.

Fight mama, I know you're tired but just keep fighting.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

"In The Spotlight" Meme From Christy

Christy over at Christy's Coffee Break tagged me for this cool meme she created which makes me feel like one of the cool kids. lol. You can find the rules for this meme here to get a better feel of how this goes. Below are the "interview questions" that I chose and the answers to them. Enjoy.

What makes your blog unique? I'm not sure but I'd really like to know what whoever keeps Googling "jo selfish heathens" is truly looking for. Besides, how many former teenage moms with a rare disorder, cancer, fibromyalgia, a Polish/Italian husband, and two stupid cats do YOU know that blog? Hmmmm? Yep, thought so... UNIQUE!!!

When did you start blogging? In 2004 right after my initial cancer diagnosis. I started the MEN2a blog first to record everything that was going on and going through my mind at the time and then a few months later I started LWH.

What do you hope to accomplish with your blog? I hope to make many people laugh and learn how to not take life so seriously. I also hope to show people that most of us with cancer still like to laugh, joke, and live too. It's okay to laugh with us and hell, laugh at us! We're not fragile little figurines that you set on a shelf to look at and never touch. We're made of pretty tough stuff and want you to treat us just like everyone else. We know we have cancer, you know we have cancer... so leave the junk at the door and enjoy being with us. As Hubby Guy says "I might get hit by a bus tomorrow for all we know". Enjoy today.

What are your feelings on the "blog popularity" issue? Mostly I really don't care too much about it but I'll be honest and say that the little kid in me still wants to be one of the "popular kids" sometimes. You see these blogs that get tons of comments on every post and the owner writes for four other sites as well and blah blah blah. Sometimes I do wish I had their talent. Then the analytical side of me comes out and starts thinking "Why the hell would I want the stress of having to worry if people like what I'm writing and have to write regularly"? I'm sure they're having a ball but it has to be very stressful at times too. I prefer to read blogs that I truly like, link to people that I like, and having readers who are here because they like who I am.

What is the weirdest thing that ever happened to you? I found out I had a rare disorder (MEN2a) that I'd never heard of before and two forms of cancer all in the same month! HA!! It was around Halloween so you can bet your ass I ate most of the kids' candy that year! Who knew when I went in for some ulcer pills and a pregnancy test that those were the least of my problems?! Oh yeah, the prego test was negative just so'z ya know'z. *laughing*

What is your best quality? Most people would probably say my strength but they'd be wrong. I'm no stronger than anyone else and there many people I've come across that are the epitome of strength. They are amazing. The only reason I handle our situation as well as I do is because of a very fucked up childhood aka Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I automatically go into "damage control" phase and skip right past "fall apart for a bit" phase. So see, it's all just a fucked up glitch. And here you thought I was Wonder Woman! HA, fooled you!

Now that I've done all that rambling... I have no clue what my best quality is. I'll ask Hubby Guy though and see what he says.

*Update- When I asked Hubby Guy he just laughed at me. The bastard!*

What is your worst quality? My Adult ADD. It has ruined my life in so many ways. I spent my whole life thinking I was just a lazy, worthless, scatterbrain. I could never finish anything which left me feeling like a loser and I could never stay focused long enough to do any of the things there were important to me. It hurts to know I spent so many years feeling that way for nothing because if I had been diagnosed sooner things would have been alot different. Even knowing now that I most definately do have it, I still hate it and consider it a flaw in my character. I'm working on that though.

If you read the rules for this meme over at Christy's blog then you know that I get to tag five of you and I'm startin' with those of you who have tagged ME in the past. REVENGE IS MINE!!!!! *insert evil laugh*

My IRL friend Meg @ Get In Hang On ....... tag ur it girl!

Sindy @ And To Think..... Roses are Red, Violets Are Blue, you tagged me first, so now back to you! hehe.

Ev @ My Life Is Murphy's Law.... I know I know, I never did the Technorati one...

Kelly @ Kellementology... it's your turn to think again neener neener!

and last but not least, Kat over @ A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm for the pure and simple fact that she is someone who linked to me from pretty much the beginning. :)

Enjoy and if any of you tag me back for anything I will hunt you down like dogs! Remember, I'm a woman on steroids (not THAT kind of steroids although I do think my penis has shrunk so much I can't see it at all! *snort*) so it could get ugly. LOTS of hair pulling and cursing. Wait, I have a feeling I just turned on half the people reading this. Ya'll so kink-y!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

We're Breast Obsessed...

It's funny how sometimes we bloggers end up choosing the same topics to write about. Last week I saved these two pictures- Tori Spelling breastfeeding pic and Maggie Gyllenhaal doing same so I could blog about them at a later date and give them a big thumbs up! I was so happy to see these celebrity moms being so real and not worrying about what people might think.

Well, it seems that as I was saving and planning, other bloggers were actually DOING. As usual I'm a day late and about ten bucks short but now I can not only talk about Tori and Maggie but now these other bloggers too! :)

Erin at Queen of Spain (her and the Kaiser actually have sex so I make sure never to read her blog when Hubby Guy is around. He might start getting it in his head that he's suppose to be getting some too ya know!) is so sick of remarks by stupid people about breastfeeding/showing that she's decided to free the puppies in support of bare breastfeeding boobies.

I'd say she's doing several things here...

*- The bitch is showing off by releasing the twins because somehow she MUST know my boobs are ten times smaller than her's. She has cleavage even without a push-up bra damn her!

*- I think she's looking for some beads to decorate the twins there. They look so lonely. Don't you think some green and purple would just make them perk right up?? Oh and glitter too! And a few feathers..... what was I saying? Oh yeah...

*- If you ever thought I was blunt then honey, this woman has it down to an art form. You wanna say breastfeeding tits are gross? Well here's a monitor full of them for ya! lol. Great gal and kudos to her! Don't think Erin is alone in her feelings either because Kristie at Slacker-Moms-R-Us has posted some beautiful pics of her and her lil one nursing. That last one is just heart melting!

It's not only women who are sick of the stupid comments about breastfeeding, Karl whipped his out in support of Erin too! This guy is great but why does he have my husband's chest? Hmmmm maybe he's Italian too. lol I'm so proud of all these men and women who are saying "Screw you, boobies ain't just for playin' tune in Tokyo with"!

Now you didn't think I'd do this post without adding MY two cents did ya? I'm not endowed with a heaving bosom like the Queenie there so I'm afraid you luck out on me flashing the puppies (or in my case the guppies). I do however have two not only breastfeeding pictures to share but EXTENDED breastfeeding pics at that! Yes, I'm one of those weirdos who nursed their kid past the age of two years! To be honest, the only reason we quit when we did was because I had to have my first cancer surgery and the steroids I have to be on wouldn't have been good for MonkeyBoy.

These pictures are from when the little guy was around 22 months old. Every time I look at these pics they remind me of what a beautiful experience breastfeeding was for us to share. It's something I will never ever regret. I'm so proud of my breastfeeding time that I wrote about it on ClubMom's Story From The Heart. Feel free to head over and read- Two Years, Nine Months, and Three Days.

You can also now see these pics as part of the Queen's Tit Brigade. This is an ongoing thing so if you are a current or former breastfeeding mom then send in your pics too!!

For those of you who think breastfeeding mothers or pictures are gross, disgusting, and perverted then I have two things to say. 1- As Erin said "Get the fuck over it. It’s just a boob" and 2- why is it "normal" to show women's breasts in magazines, movies, pictures, and advertisements but when a breastfeeding mother discreetly nurses her child in public you get offended? It's okay to sexualize breasts and convince today and tomorrow's men that our tits are solely here for them to play with and whack to but how dare we even suggest that they might actually have an important function!

Thanks to the fact that I've taught my children that there is an actual functional use for breasts, I can take heart in knowing that my 16 year old son will walk past a big titted girlie magazine without a second glance (as he says "They're tits mom and they're all pretty much the same"), and no he's not gay so don't ask, but when he comes across a mother nursing her child in public he will smile at her and then immediately start looking for stupid people to glare at. LOL. I've taught him well and I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing my future daughter-in-law AND her breasts will be valued as more than just something that jiggles like Jello.

Oh yeah, warning some of those links lead to pictures of naked breasts blah blah blah yadda yadda void where prohibited this offer not available everywhere. ;)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Well Golly Gee, Wasn't That Just A Hoot!

NOTTTTTTTTTTT

Well at least now I know that if I'm offline for more than a day or two you guys will miss me. :) Heck, Meg will even call me to make sure I'm alright and everyone else in the house is still alive! How's that for love?! Sorry to go AWOL on ya for the past week. It wasn't because you smell bad or dress funny. Honest. Okay so maybe there is a little bit of a b.o. problem you've got there but not enough to drive me off. Yet. Oh and lose the red pumps would ya? They just don't work with your man boobs. Sorry.

Anywho- last week this computer decided to throw a pissy fit and quit working on me. I'm guessing someone ended up getting spyware or a virus on it because it also attacked Hubby's computer upstairs which is on the same network. Hubby Guy is the computer guru in this family so if it's techie and it screws up then he's the one who fixes it while I just sit back and try to look all helpless and shit. I've made the helpless routine work for seven years now so I must be doing something right.

Well with Hubby Guy working full time and getting ready for the new college semester to start, fixing ole Bessie here just wasn't a priority which it just so happens suited me just fine. Around the same time, lucky moi had one of my eye teeth pulled so I sure as hell did not feel like sitting in this hard ass chair typing while wanting to bang my head off the monitor! Four days and many painkillers later I am doing much better and I'm ready to get back to some bloggity good fun :) I have no fucking clue what "bloggity" means so I'm using my Get Out Of Explaining Stupid Words card at this time. Blame it on the Mommy Feels No Pain happy pills mmm kay? lol.

Speaking of Mommy... Happy Belated Mother's Day to all my mama blog friends. I hope you all had a wonderful day and got completely spoiled. We followed tradition here and had a dysfunctional holiday as usual. We might not be normal but dammit we're consistent! That's alright though, it just means I can hold it against Hubby Guy at a later date to make him bend to my will. *insert evil laugh and snort here*

I did get a Packers shirt out of the deal though so I'm a happy camper. Of course, no Brett Favre or Dwayne Johnson in the shirt but *le sigh* such is life. Oh well, from what I've read they'd both be stealing my pain killers anyway and then I'd have to go all ninja on their asses for it. So it's probably a good thing I just got the t-shirt.

So I'm back and it looks like I've been tagged for a few memes so I'll have to get to work on those plus I need to do an irritating paid post or two at some point. Thanks for worrying about me and missing me. I can just feel the lurve I'm tellin' ya. Not sure whose hand that is on my ass but I'm hoping it's a loving hand. hehehe

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Shhhhhhhh It's A Secret

Secret Agent Josephine that is!! She's used some of her intriguing spy techniques to give LWH a completely new and personalized banner. Isn't it great? Dontcha wish you had one? Aren't you just soooooooooooo jealous? HA, I knew it!


This lady's talent is amazing and I am honored to be one of her chosen winners for a free web graphic (see her site for details and enter to win your very own). The first time I saw Jenn at Mommy Needs Coffee's banner I fell in love with SAJ's awesome talent and ability to transform people into drawings/art. Jenn's banner looks just like Jenn does (check out those eyes!) and wouldn't you know it, ours looks just like us! SAJ knew that I look good in red and I think I even have BOOBS up there! Can ya see them?? ME. With BOOBS!!! Amazing!

By the looks of it the picture she chose for inspiration was one I have on flickr of the kids dressed up for Halloween. It's even titled "See, Heathens". Oddly enough, I think all but the oldest were costumed (in the picture) appropriately. Sis dressed as a witch and she is (preteen girls are HELL) one. Lil Man dressed as a dragon/monster and he is most definately my little monster. The oldest manchild now feels I should buy him a skull on a stick though to go with his drawing. Ummmm, yeah I'll get right on that.

Thank you again SAJ for the gorgeous banner. I am beyond happy with it and as I said, it just so happens to be mine and Hubby Guy's seven year anniversary today so this is the best present EVER!!! Well this and the fact that he is upstairs napping which means he is leaving me alone. Oops, did I type that? hehe

Head on over and check Secret Agent Josephine's site out for yourself. If you hurry she has an adorable picture of Baby Bug up on her blog now to look at. Too cute!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Recall- Listerine Cool Agent Blue

Well isn't this just lovely? According to MSNBC and Listerine they are recalling every single bottle of Agent Cool Blue that was sold (in both flavors) which big suprise comes to 4 million bottles of the stuff. Sadly, this stuff has been dentist recommended the whole time it's been out so you can imagine what some dental professionals must be thinking about this. The recall says though that Agent Cool Blue hasn't made anyone sick...yet... well gee, thanks for that. As if the idea of turning our kids' teeth blue in order to supposedly help them brush better wasn't enough. UGH!

Thanks to a new dentist we were trying out, our household would be one of the 4 million who had this crap in their bathroom. Luckily MonkeyBoy hated the stuff so we only used it twice but still! Of course, as you can obviously see on the MSNBC site this news is almost a month old so I'm sure most of you already know about the recall. This post is mostly just for the others like me who are still in Cluelessville. I really need to get over my hatred of the news media and start following this stuff more.

If you go to the Agent Cool Blue website's FAQ page it instructs you on how to get a refund for any of the product you may have purchased. I called yesterday to request ours (which should be here in about 8 weeks) and then promptly dumped the BadEvilBlue in the garbage.

I think I'm going back to not buying anything with dyes or shit my older two kids can't pronounce in it. MonkeyBoy already has a problem with his teeth (which I guess in fact is actually pretty common but still) so the last thing he needs is junk like this making it worse.

So go call and get your refund then make sure you throw the stuff away and spread the word.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Ehhhh, I'm Just Not Feeling It

If you're a regular blogger then you probably know about the Technorati Faves link-train-thingie-muh-jigger going around and that tons of people are joining it. If you think this is a post about joining the fun then you might as well leave now. There are no train tickets here I'm afraid and in fact, I'm quickly becoming very anti-Tech Fave train.

There are several ways that this "train" works. People leave comments or post about it, list blogs/add them to their Technorati faves, and then the blog owner recipricates. Another twist is that you comment on a "train" blog, fave everyone else who has commented, and then they in turn favorite you. Obviously the important thing about this link train is getting into Technorati's top 100 favorites list (or some crap I don't remember because there was nothing shiny to hold my attention for very long).

Ooookayyyyy. I made it through about two blogs doing this before my "Oh hell naw!" alarm went off. Maybe it's just me being silly (or making sense) but what is the point of having hundreds of people you not only don't know but also will never ever read marked as a favorite? I myself would rather read (and let people who look me up on Technorati read) blogs I've favorited that are actually worth a damn instead of some long list containing about 70% crap and only a few really good blogs.

I'm not against anyone who has done this and I'm not even really bitching about it either. I'm just expressing my own little thoughts from my fat blonde head is all. Whilst in the midst of my thinking though I've just decided that I'm going to sit this ride out.

Sure it's great seeing that tons of people link to you or have you as a favorite but doesn't it lose something when you know that 90% of them just did it to build up their stats? Ego boosts are great but I'd rather get one because someone really wants to read my ramblings. Right now there are people that have this blog faved that I would bet have no clue what I write about or even whether I'm a man or a woman (before you smart off I am most definately a sheila thank you very much!).

So if you are someone who reads here regularly or even someone new then feel free to leave a link in the comments to be put on my Tech Fave list. Why? Well, if you're a regular here then chances are I love reading your blog already and I will be happy to add you. If you're new it's okay, I'm always interested in discovering new blogs. If you are someone who leaves a link to a blog that just plain sucks because you want to go up the popular kids' ladder, I'll probably just come to your blog and cyberflip you off for being a dumbass!

In return I ask nothing. You don't have to add me as a favorite or anything else. See, no train here. I'm the one waving, pointing, and laughing as the train passes right on by.