Friday, April 20, 2007

Rotten Little Children!

Let me just set the scene for you. It’s almost dinner time and Mom is washing her hands in the kitchen sink before preparing the food. Nothing abnormal about that since she always TRIES to be a good Mommy and teach hygiene even to three little heathens.

Suddenly, the youngest child notices three new “booboos” on Mommy’s fingers. For this story's sake let's just say the Mommy is such a clutz that she can't remember how she even got two of them. The older two of Mommy's children come over to the sink to look with youngest child. It's just some cuts, no big deal and Mom says as much.

What do you think comes next? Genuine concern from her three children? Two teenagers lovingly telling mom that they know cutting onions will make those cuts burn so please, let them make dinner? Someone who can actually reach the bandaids without climbing onto the toilet, then the sink, and then balancing to reach the medicine cabinet offering to fetch a few for Mom?

Yeah right! I don’t call them “heathens” because they’re sweet people! They take after their mother too much for that but even I at least kiss their booboos better. Ingrates!

Instead, here is what Mommy dearest hears…

16yo: Geez, mom what the hell did you cut yourself on THIS time? Dayummmm how'd you get that bruise on your leg?
Mom's reply: Watch your mouth. Now go away. What bruise? Dammit, where did that come from?!

Preteen: Ouch, that sucks Mom. Hey how long before dinner is ready?
Mom's reply: Bite me!

4 year old: Owie Mommy, you okay? Here I’ll kiss them for you. *mwah* Better?
Mom's reply: Do you know that you are my favorite? I know I say I don't have a favorite but I think I will keep you. Would you like your own bedroom AND playroom? Bubby and Sissy's stuff? Oh we'll be giving that to Goodwill.

Currently the oldest two are for sale…CHEAP!! Both have been taught the art of proper camel brushing and should do nicely in the desert. Buy one get one half price even!

The youngest one will continue his reign as "Mommy’s Favorite Because The Older Two Are Weiners" for yet another day. Long Live The King!!

12 comments:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

That's funny stuff...Amazing how the older they get the dorkier it is to show affection for Mom...They'll come back around...

Danielle said...

My three kids are still young. The oldest being five. I'm scared of what will happen when they are teen/preteenagers.

I also have several bruises that I can not explain. My legs look worse than the kids.

Jo said...

Janet- they are pretty good kids and I'm very lucky to have the relationship with them that I do. They're still rotten snots though! lol

Danielle- be afraid, be VERY afraid! LOL just kidding.

What is with us mommies and bruises? OY

Meg_L said...

I'll take the middle one!!

Summer said...

LOL At least you know one loves you enough to kiss the owies. ;)

Shamsa said...

Aw send'um to me. Two days here and they will be begging to come home and you will never have to wash an other dish as long as you live.lol
P.S. could you send some Taco Bell with them? That is one thing we don't have here....Oh and the swarma is in the mail. HA

Lill said...

Geez, you really need to get yourself a chaise and lie down on it while the kids do the work. How else are they gonna learn those all-important life skills, yanno? Let the 4 yr old lie down with you and eat part of your chocolate.
Hugs,
Lill

Chrissy said...

I could use a good camel washer! How are they at wrangling toddlers?

herself said...

hey! i think i got it! this time i expect to see a sign that says my comment is waiting to be approved, which is a step in the right direction.
say....i might consider trading a horse for one.....interested? blonde, brunette or redhead.....take your choice.
;)
now lets see if it goes through this time...

herself said...

YAY! IT D I D IT!!!!!!

Robyn said...

Too funny!

Slackermommy said...

You crack me up!