Sunday, June 10, 2007

Things heard in my house today...

"Can I sniff your hair"?- Sis has this thing with smelling my hair after I shower. Creepy ass kid!

"Mommy, my winkie likes me".- Said by MonkeyBoy. Yes, I was stupid enough to ask how he knew.

"Mom, can we make smoothies? Umm Mom, you're not suppose to put booze in smoothies. Mom, even wine makes you sick you're not suppose to...."- Yeah well Mommy's had a hard week and Daddy's ass chickened out and went to spend the night at his mother's vacant house in the city. I've earned it dammit!

"Who ate all my ice cream?"- Hubby Guy made the mistake of asking this question. Someday he will realize that the I Don't Know Ghost eats EVERYTHING!

"Ohhhh Mommyyyy, they are having SEX!!!"- again the 4yo but thankfully it was Animal Planet. My fault for telling him that "having sex" just meant "mating" when he asked. I froze, what can I say?

"Are you going to eat that?"- A normal question right? Not when Mommy is starting a diet tomorrow. At this point my fat ass is eating every damn bite it can before midnight! Got cookies?

"Mom can we watch a movie?"- Usually meaning something they aren't suppose to watch

"No, but we are going to finally watch Sound of Music"- Evil Mommy Me

"The hell you say!!"- 16yo obviously

"Fine, if you can yodel for twenty minutes straight while spinning in circles then we won't"- Evil Mommy Me again

"It's a deal!"- 16yo

"Let me grab the camera! This shit will be so funny when you pass out after turning blue from nuts to neck and I want to have proof!"- Do I really have to say who?

And just 5 minutes ago....

"Mom, are you going to..."

"Touch my goddamn food again and I will rip your arm off and beat you with it!!!"

Did I mention I'm out of soda and a really really bad caffiene addict? Yeah, if you don't hear from the kids by Tuesday then send someone out. ;)

8 comments:

Tina Rod. said...

Oh, I so know where you are coming from!! When I'm out of soda my husband calls it "Defcon 3", "Defcon 4" is no soda and PMS, which usually means he grabs the kids and runs, and 10 minutes later a 12 pack is shoved through the door with a note saying they'll be at Grandma's.

You do have to watch what you tell the kids "sex" means, I learned that the hard way too. My son was 3, we were visiting the Grandparents and having quite a get together since we had traveled from way out of town, so there were great grandma, uncles, aunts, cousins, great-whatever-relatives, and my son walks in and in front of everyone announces that the dog and cat are having sex in the driveway. I felt like crawling under the couch! We will never tell the kids that "sex=wrestling with kisses" again!

Good luck with the diet, and hope things get better. Mine mysteriously declared they were jumping ship to go with Grandma the other day and I haven't seen them since, and the last time they talked to me they said they picked out some movies from Blockbuster and will need a few more days, so I guess I'm getting a break!

David said...

LOL I love the freak show picture. My extended family definitely rates us freak show status as well :)

Meg_L said...

So is that why Sis couldn't talk to Girl today?

She didn't have anything special to say (though I was thinking of the 'out of my hair and not watching fuse' would be nice). We just thought Sis would appreciate someone making an effort to contact her.

Mad goat lady said...

And here I was thinking that my family was the only nutty one..LOL!

Have an extra strong smoothie for me please :)

Island Girl said...

"my winkie likes me" - yeah well, they never really grow out of that one...

and, you so ARE supposed to put booze in smoothies! *snort*

momof3feistykids said...

*ROFL!* :-)

Angie Lee said...

LOL, I swear your house and mine are the same one in parallel universes!

I also love the DEFCON comment above; we also go on DEFCON when someone drinks my last friggin Mountain Dew, and everyone from the husband to the cat scatters when I go on the rampage.

Katie said...

Do you live in my house? I think you live in my house. Truly. Heard from my 6yo today....

"I'm Old Greg! I have a man-gina!" Thanks to my teens who took it upon themselves to decide watching The Mighty Boosh with the little one is a hoot. A regular riot. oi!